Updated Trading Aphorisms

Updated Trading Aphorisms

OLD - Buy Low Sell High .
NEW- Buy Low Buy High and demand the authorities intervene when the market drops 30%.

OLD - Cut your losses and run your profits
NEW- Cut your losses and find another career.

OLD - Never a lender nor a borrower be.
NEW- Both a lender and a borrower be by lending to low quality risk, repackage the debt into credit tranches and selling them on to pension funds taking at least 5% for yourself on the way .

OLD - Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.
NEW- Look after your penny.

OLD - Compound interest is man’s greatest invention
NEW- Compound interest is man’s greatest nightmare when deposit yields are negative.

OLD - Buy support, sell resistance
NEW- Sell support buy resitance, there are bound to be a load of stops on the other side.

OLD - The trend is your friend
NEW- The trend is your friend until it runs off with your money and your wife

OLD - Never sell a new high
NEW - Never sell a new high as the UK Government is making it illegal to sell new legal highs..

OLD - Sell in May and go away
NEW- Sell in May to move the fix and be put away

OLD - You don't become poor taking profits
NEW- You don't become poor taking profits, unless they don't cover the carry.

OLD - Never double up on a loser.
NEW- Double up on a loser and then sue the issuer fourfold.

OLD - Always check the small print
NEW- Never check the small print, just sue for misselling.

OLD - If in doubt, ask.
NEW - If in doubt, don't tell anyone and do more until you take your bank down.

OLD - Yield = coupon/price
NEW - Yield = coupon/price + hope - haircut

OLD - Discipline discipline discipline
NEW - Discipline Compliance HR

OLD - The charts don't lie.
NEW - The charts don't lie about the past but they do about the future.

OLD - Scale into your position.
NEW - Leverage x500, buy Chinese stocks before its too late, adopt your fetal position.

OLD - Trade with your head, not your heart.
NEW - Trade with your head, not your junior. He can't fire you if you lost on the same trade.

OLD - Never invest more than you are willing to lose.
NEW - Never invest more than you are willing to lose, unless you are Germany lending to Greece.