Thursday, 16 July 2015

The Pluto Crisis.

I asked the simple question this evening "Has Pluto been reclassified as a planet again yet", having witnessed the meteoric, or perhaps 'planetary', rise of Pluto's popularity. Its exclusion from the Solar System swiftly turned into a Twitterfest of analogies with the fate of Greece. Rather than leave that 'fest to fester in the ADHD black holes of past tweets I thought I should assemble them in one place in memoriam. So with huge thanks to my sparring partners @sanderwagner and @zatapatique for the wittiest in the list and to assists from many other dear friends, here is -

The Pluto crisis timeline -

Pluto only accepted into Solar System after GS made it look bigger than it is.

"The solar system is 'irreversible'", says Sun.

Pluto to hold referendum on accepting gravitational pull of Solar System in exchange for sunlight.

UK's opposition MP Dianne Abbott signs letter of solidarity with Pluto in its fight to break free from laws of physics.

Pluto to temporarily #plexit the Solar System if it doesn't follow path of other planets.

Asteroid belt divides planetary attitudes towards Pluto.

#Plexit is not an option

Jupiter blames Plutocrats for astronomical breakdown in trust.

Alpha Centauri puts pressure on Solar System to come to an agreement over Pluto. Worried about destabilising Milky Way.

"I’m not going to tell you. It’s somewhere on this moon." Pluto on existence of a new plan to stay in the solar system without accepting gravitational pull.

Jupiter and Pluto locked in precession until agreement is met. Gravity of situation not to be underestimated.

Sun proposes plan for all planets to lend mass to Pluto until it can grow by itself.

Pluto's newly discovered water to be privatised under new plan in exchange for another eon of continued sunlight.

#ThisIsAnEclipse starts to trend.

"I shall wear the astronomers' loathing with pride" Pluto.

Gallifrey informed it will also contribute mass to Pluto even though it's within the constellation of Kasterborous.

Ambrose Evans Pritchard: "Pluto reinsertion poisons solar system as backlash mounts against planetary servitude"

"An imperfect solar union" says asteroid.

"Ill conceived from the start. How can you have one central sun for such vastly different planets?" -Nobel prize winning astronomer.

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