Saturday, 7 February 2015

The Prince of Mayfair.

I was asked if I could do a parody of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but based on Mayfair, Hedge Fund capital of London. So, with absolutely no apology to my friends at Mayfair hedge funds, I give you -

The Prince of Mayfair -

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a fund in Mayfair

In Rainham, Essex born and raised
On the broker desks was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And getting inside info out of school
When a couple of guys who played it too good
Said I couldn’t trade 'inside' in this neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my client got a scare
I said 'can I move to your hedge fund in Mayfair'

I begged and cajoled with him day after day
Paying him back points on trades that went my way
He gave me a chance but he said it’s no ticket.
I put my swagger on and said, ‘yeah I’m gonna kick it'.

First class totty, yo this ain't bad.
Got my own brokers too willing to kiss my ass.
Is this what trading in a Mayfair fund is like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear they've process, risk measures, all that.
Is this the type of trading that will suit this cool cat?
I don't think so
I’m sure I’ll bust the VaR
I hope they're prepared for the Prince of Mayfaaar

Well, I called up Jimmy and he gave me the shout
And I bought up all the stock, it was a right real rout
I didn’t get arrested, instead they cheered me then
I thought this is easy, so I did it again.
Got made Partner this year, I’m no longer a lout.

Now wear red skinny trousers and buy champers that's dearer
Drive a lambo plated ‘FUND’ and have powder for the mirror
I thought about Rainham and going back there
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - ‘Now my home’s Mayfair'

My accent’s changed too, I no longer say ‘mate’
Instead to the cabbie "Good chap, I'm running late"
I look at my kingdom
I am finally there
Sitting on my throne as the Prince of Mayfair.

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