Mr. Varoufakis's homework.

Mr. Varoufakis has until Monday to get his homework in to the EU teachers for marking. As this appears remarkably little time to recalculate all permutations of Greek economics overlaid with political agreement, one can only wonder if it will be done in time (perhaps accompanied by excuses of the dog having eaten it, family funerals, spilled greek coffee on it etc). Having heard that he is in fact going to have it ready by Sunday evening one has to assume it more likely that it is being lightly skimmed over, with answers rich on general ideas but devoid of detail or numbers.

With that in mind I can only pray it doesn't turn out as I am imagining it below -


Homework - To be handed in Monday 23rd Feb to Mr Eurocrates
Please answer all questions fully. Deutchmarks will be deducted for incomplete workings

1. 2+2 = ?

That would depend, but I would commit to 1 with room to negotiate to 59 as Greece is suffering a humanitarian crisis,

2. If you have €100 and take away 40% how much is left?

If it is Greek tax, €100. If it is haircut on Greek bonds at the ECB, €0.

3. If you had 1,000,000 public sector workers and you have to take half of them away, how many will you have left? (Please show how you took half away).

About 1.500,000? I would take half away by employing another 1,000,000.

4. If you owe Wolfy 300bio Euros and he would like them all back 

            a) How many do you have to give him?

Some, maybe.

            b). If you have to pay Wolfy his Euros on Feb 27th 2025 and it is now Feb 27th 2015, how many years do you have in which to pay Wolfy?

60ish

             c) Where would you find the Euros to pay Wolfie?

 €6.47 I found down the sofa and the rest from Wolfie.

5.  Which mathematical term is used for calculating debt repayments?

Hypoteneuse,  which means essentially "length under", and derives from Latin hypotēnūsa, a transliteration of Ancient Greek hypoteínousa (pleurā́ orgrammḗ), the feminine present participle of hypoteínō, a combination of hypó ("under") and teínō ("I stretch" or "length").The word ὑποτείνουσα was used for the hypotenuse of a triangle by Plato in the Timaeus, but we would prefer to use it with respect to how we plan to stretch and lengthen the terms of our loans under a new agreement.

6. If a ratio is expressed by the first variable divided by the second variable, how would you reduce your Debt to GDP ratio?

By taking intention and multiplying it by sincerity.

7. Which theorem best applies to Greek public accounts?

Fermat's Last Theorem - It is not possible for any power to make some of our numbers equal (or something that sounds like that)

8. If you sell all 1000 VIP Government limousines how many do you have?

1000

9. What is the square root of minus 1?

 How much i imagine i am going to repay you.

10. What is the difference between 300bio and 50bio?

If we are talking debt repayments then it's not worth arguing over, 50bio is close enough to 300bio. If we are talking new loans then I’ll take the 300bio please.

11. How do you propose to reduce your debt levels, increase your GDP, guarantee your creditors repayment, maintain a primary surplus and regain a positive current account whilst reducing capital flight to protect your banks?

I think the answer is 'yes' but our teacher didn’t teach us this, probably as they don't know the answer either.  I thought this test was going to be general economics and politics and not all these specifics

12. This is economics and it does involve numbers, so describe a method for solving question 11.

By selling figurines with amusingly large penises.