Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Brexit facts - Strange but untrue

It's at times like this, where a population has to make a crucial decision on their country’s destiny that the facts relating to the issue should be clearly on display for all to consider when making their decision. Unfortunately it is usually nigh on impossible to gain a clear representation of the pertinent data as it's mostly presented by parties with vested interests. Those campaigning for one side or the other will only present arguments supporting their case.

If we were to follow the principles of the US Republican party presidential candidates, those facts would be so twisted as to become unrecognisable. With that in mind I present a handy repository of EU/Brexit data for your consideration when making your choice.  I have saved you the bother of making up facts to support your own case as I have made them up for you. Quote them with gravitas and fervour you may even find people believing them.

60% of biscuits made in Yorkshire are exported to Brussels to be served on plates at EU council meetings.

The UK benefits from Langoustine Tax rebates that contribute £40bio to the economy.

If every EU migrant in the UK were to leave, the country would rise one meter as their weight was removed from the land mass, thus averting future coastal flooding.

Slovenia is the UK’s greatest export market for mice.

Hadrian’s Wall was built with Italian money and so would have to be returned together with compound interest of 1.6 billion rough hewn stones.

France have the right to move their half of the EuroTunnel 30m left as they switch back to the Paris Meridian. This will cause Birmingham to subside.

All UK Friesian cows will be white as there is no longer a need for them to have the black markings that were a requirement of the EU agricultural policy.

The UK will be free to call its 'Kentish Fizzy Wine Like Product' Champagne and any old mushroom a truffle.

The Elgin Marbles will actually be only 3cm tall once you take depreciation of the pound due to a Brexit into account.

All the swallows will have to leave the country on the day of exit rather than waiting for their normal weather stimulated migration. This will lead to a fly plague.

Trams will be able to have their doors on the roof.

If the UK leaves the EU the days will be longer, as will the nights.

If the UK leaves the EU Brussels sprouts will just be called sprouts.

63% of websites will crash due to electrons having problems crossing the border.

78% of gravediggers want to stay in the EU and have signed a letter urging their clients to vote similarly.

Kittens will die.

Everything the UK owns is paid to the EU every year.

Germany is made of mustard and as such is a threat to Norwich.

The only reason it rains in Cornwall is because of EU grants.

If you take one person out of the EU parliament for every person that is in it, there will be none left. This just shows how wasteful that place is.

The UK would have to hand back all the electricity they have received from French Nuclear Power stations.

Since the 1975 referendum to stay in the EEC all the coal mines in the UK have closed. There, that tells you something.

There are so many French people packed into South Kensington they are having to apply for refugee status in Chelsea.

The City of London is totally dependent upon Bordeaux for wine and without it would cease to function.

The UK would save £400bio a year in not having to drive to Tuscany.

The EU is responsible for stealing 18 minutes of your life per night as you sleep.

28 million jobs will be lost on one Devon farm alone.

Latvia currently has rights to your first born under Article 675/b but has never called upon them due to its own high birth rate.

The reason that cars are limited to 20mph on many major London roads is due to Germany stealing UK speed allowances so that they can travel at 200mph down their own autobahns.

No comments: