Not a keyboard was stirring, not even a mouse.
The portfolio stocks were all picked with care,
Knowing Santa's Rally would leave profits there;
So happy, were we, with our views of the EDs;
That visions of profits danced in our heads;
With a late market rally as sure as could be
A bonus so large would be coming to me.
When out in the markets there arose such a clatter,
I ran from the bar to see what was the matter.
Away to the screens I flew in a flash,
Tore open the charts and saw oil crash.
The red candles of doom showed a newly made low
And a horrible vision of no bids below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But deflationary pressures that filled me with fear
My High Yield structures were looking quite sick
I knew in a moment I should sell ‘em real quick
More rapid than eagles things went insane
As I whistled, and shouted, and sold them in vain
Damn, contagion’s kicked in. Just look at the VIX
Not Spoos as well? And look at the BRICS!
Oh my poor profits! Just look at them fall!
Now dashed away, dashed away, dashed away all!
Even long Nikkei short JPY,
Now turned into losses, oh why did I buy?
But In central bank halls, the concerns, they grew too
Growth was now falling, what could they do?
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the wire
They promised a plan, as they knew things were dire.
As I mourned my losses that weren’t turning around,
Down the chimney came Draghi with a great bound.
His clothes were all tarnished with soot, ash and snow
As he cried out ‘Sod Weidmann, come on! Let’s go!"
'Unconventional methods' he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his sack
To buy any old junk, he just didn’t care.
Anything to stop deflation’s nightmare.
And with him was Abe, who as everyone knows
Plans to print money 'til his country grows.
His balance sheet open to yet more QE
As he sprayed me with yen and bought JGB
And then down the chimney came Fed Chair Yellen
Who restated low rates despite Hilsenrath’s yelling.
She was blowing a bubble that threatened our health
But I laughed when I heard her, in spite of myself.
A wink of eye and twist of the curve
Soon gave me to know I should hold my nerve
They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
Buying up debt. Prices rose with a jerk!
Then laying a finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney they rose;
Draghi sprang to the sleigh, to the team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight -
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”