Thursday, 20 October 2016

The Brexit Quiz

With the markets basically doing everything they can to look as though they are going somewhere when in fact they aren’t, it may be time to fill the gaps with a Brexit quiz.

Brexit is -

A toasted cheese and gherkin sandwich.
A game very similar to Jenga where you pull out the bricks until the structure falls down.
The nickname of that weirdo in the pub.
A Russian conglomerate
A numbers puzzle on the back page of the newspaper.
An adolescent nickname for a part of the male body

Hard Brexit is

A Brexit you forgot to wrap in clingfilm and left out all night.
A Brexit game where all the pieces are spherical.
The guy in the pub with all the tattoos on his face
The arms arm of a Russian conglomerate
A Brexit you do on the train to impress your fellow passengers
Takes over all rational thought at the time but in the cold light of day is awfully embarrassing.

Soft Brexit is

A Brexit in a bap.
A Brexit game for 2 year olds made of foam.
The guy with the tattoos once he gets a puppy.
The hacking arm of a Russian conglomerate
A Brexit printed on lavatory paper for small room amusement.
Completely normal though you may end up paying your neighbour for a hand to make it work.

Article 50 is

A heaving overpriced bar in the City.
A micro art gallery down the road at number 50
A Kings Road clothing store.
A scrap of clothing in an evidence bag in a murder trial.
A rumoured part of an extraterrestrial housed in a warehouse in a desert.
A Turner prize entry resembling a turd.

EEA is

A country code on the back of cars from somewhere in eastern Europe
A Greek beer
Environmental [something] Agency, whose signs stop you swimming in rivers.
An Australian flightless bird.
What a Canadian replies when asked which phone service they used in the UK.
A US college fraternity house.

Sterling is

A fraction of an old Pound.
An engine driven by temperature differentials.
A rather dapper old racing driver.
The work that our mighty British politicians are doing to make Britain great again
What a local from Birmingham calls a migratory flocking bird.

Single Market is

The old place in town that smells of cows.
Speed dating.
A vinyl record store.
Elon Musk’s ambition with him the only one in it.
The financial equivalent of a black hole.

Eurozone is

A nightclub on Playa De'n Bossa
A boy rap band prounounced "Euros-One"
A remake of the Twilight Zone
A no loitering drop-off area outside St Pancras and Gare du Nord stations
10 cubic megaparsecs of space under the control of Lord Zarg the Destroyer.

Free movement of people is

A Bob Marley song
A marketing strap line from a colonic irrigation provider.
Borderless printing.
St Vitus Dance (ergot poisoning).
A Ryan Air promotion but issuing you the boarding pass will still cost you £1000.

The words "Brexit means..” are always followed by

What ever you have always wanted but felt too stupid to ask.
An interminable argument based on something unprovable.

How much will Brexit cost/save the UK economy

7 googolplex
A much as it takes to persuade you to change your mind.

If an economist is asked about a political outcome of `Brexit' they will say

What they want to happen.
What they don’t want to happen but they’ve warned you and it’s going to be a disaster.
It shouldn’t be up to politicians, let alone voters.
They will wait for the data.

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